Pron friends, I have seen the past few weeks in First Lady Fashion and I am not amused. The Belt of Doom is back; actually every belt of doom is back, I’m seeing awful black pant…things, and jewelry that threatens to eat the entire country. March had not been a kind month to Michelle Obama, my little pr0n pears and then…just when all hope was lost. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
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This month, Michelle Obama had the honor of being the first person ever to share the cover of O Magazine with Oprah Winfrey.
Michelle Obama on O Magazine
My first impression was that she looked fantastic. Overall, that’s still true. It’s a beautiful photograph of a beautiful woman, but there are really significant styling problems.
The colors together are gorgeous; vibrant coral and lemon yellow look great on the First Lady, and the whole thing just makes me feel happy all over. The open neckline flatters her face.
The first problem is that awful belt that she wore when serving food to the homeless. I’m sure the homeless had better things to worry about than her belt, but surely at O Magazine a very polite stylist could have guided her gently away from it.
It’s some sort of clear red wide plastic belt horror. “It came from the ’80s!!” The rest of the problem is apparently the length of the cardigan.
What’s happening is that because the cardigan goes over her hips, it emphasizes rather than flatters or ignores. In combination with the sweater, the belt chops her in the middle, making her look heavier .
But don’t take my word for it; see what the outfit could have looked like with a shorter sweater and no belt or with the belt, thanks to a great photoshop job by my friend LaynieLink, at my direction. We make a good team. Actually, with a shorter sweater and that coral dress, the belt…isn’t that bad. Don’t hurt me.
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Michelle Obama at Arlington National Cemetary
Mrs. Obama is wearing a variation on the same style here at Arlington National Cemetery.
I almost really like this outfit. I love the layering of colors and fabrics that she’s using; the overall idea of this outfit is really very chic.
Can you spot the problem? Once again her sweater is too long for her, and instead of hanging straight it’s pulling at the buttons. That’s a sign of a poor fit.
No matter how cute those trendy “boyfriend” sweaters are, if it doesn’t fit over your hips, it doesn’t fit. There will be other sweaters. Your blogger promises.
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Michelle Obama at Ted Kennedy
Here’s where things start to go terribly terribly wrong. In this picture the President and First Lady are at Senator Ted Kennedy’s birthday party .
She appears to be wearing a piñata, combined with I don’t even know what for necklaces. Here’s a closeup.
Michelle Obama Vintage Necklaces
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According to the First Lady’s Press Secretary, these are vintage pieces. Lovies, sometimes “vintage” is just another word for “old”.
I like the dangly blue necklace as a piece by itself, but it doesn’t work with what she’s wearing (what would??). The yellow thing. I…I’m speechless. I have no idea. I don’t know what it is, what it was, what it’s supposed to be. My apologies to Senator Kennedy.
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Michelle Obama at school
This week Mrs. Obama visited a school in one of the worst neighborhoods in Washington, DC to talk about growing up, and education, and First Daughters Malia and Sasha.
Can anyone tell me why she’s dressed like the Mother of the Bride Goes to a Funeral? I just don’t get this outfit at all.
She’s wearing what may or may not be a pants suit. The jacket looks like a raw silk, but the pants look like a smooth satin. The whole thing looks like a fussy, too old, weird, ill-fitting mess.
Why is she wearing black in the daytime to a high school? What is that thing attacking her shoulder? Why is she wearing tapered leg pants and why can’t she get cuter flats?
I care too much, I know. It just kills me to see such a stunning woman take such strange fashion left turns. *sigh* One day, my little pr0n pies. One day people will listen to me.
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Michelle Obama at Fort Bragg
The outfit Mrs. Obama wore to Fort Bragg in North Carolina is equally puzzling.
Again with the long cardigan/belt combination, black pants – possibly the same she wore to school? and a white button down shirt underneath.
There’s classic and then there’s boring. I’m so bored I’m falling asleep (and not because it’s nearly midnight as I write this). Why black?? Don’t our troops deserve to be cheered up? How about brown? Brown is a serious color, but it’s still a color.
Why not add a colorful necklace here? Or a colorful belt (though I’m still not crazy about this belt phase she’s going through). Her face is glowing and radiant; I can’t say the same for her outfit.
Honestly she looks like she’s going to sit shiva. Or maybe it’s me.
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I’m delighted to be able to end this post on a high note. Today Mrs. Obama went to the ground-breaking of the new White House kitchen vegetable garden. I could cry tears of joy.
Michelle Obama White House Vegetable Garden Groundbreaking
Mrs. Obama arrived in an oversized sweater/dress over a black turtleneck, and black leggings and paired with a black belt and black patent leather boots.
Here’s why it all works. Without the belt, the sweater would look shapeless, keeping the outfit monochrome makes the whole thing long and lean, and overall it’s a a chic, relaxed style. Personally I’d have exchanged the patent leather boots for a good pair of waterproof Wellies; this is DC in March we’re talking about after all, but no matter.
I’m giving this outfit an A. That’s right, this outfit takes the cake. Well played, Mrs. Obama; our Shopping Pr0n hats are off to you.
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That’s all for tonight my pr0n pecans. More tomorrow!
Until then, it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?
All photos courtesy of the AP and the Huffington Post
Shopping Pr0n 
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Michelle! What are you doing to your Uber-long legs? You’re BEAUTIFUL, my lady! Stop doing that to your proportions!
I like the orange dress, though, without the see-through belt.
Hi Mrs. Obama,
I like the way you define clothes; clothes don’t define you. Your daily attire reveals your unique character, interests, demeanor, and self confidence. This is great! Celebrate yourself, continue to set examples for all women of the world and help define the true character of women for young ladies who will be our future.
I would like to be a part of your great team. If you are interested, contact me via telephone: 501-915-0527 H; 501-318-4340. I would like to share my vitae with you. I have worked in education for 33 years, from the class room to The Area III Administrator in the New Orleans Public Schools.
Keep up the great work!
I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear Mrs Phillips:
It distresses me greatly to lean that in 33 years of working anywhere, much less in education, you have not learned how to differentiate the author of the article from it’s subject. I have a header clearly titled “Who am I?” that in no way implies I have any relationship to the First Lady of our country. Additionally, it perplexes me why you think Mrs. Obama would write about herself in the third person, why she would bother writing about herself at all, and if she did, why she would choose to write a shopping blog when she is a Harvard educated lawyer. Not to disparage myself, but I certainly hope the best and brightest in our country have better things to do with their time than write fashion blogs.
I’m concerned that you would post such public information as your full name, home and work phone numbers on a public internet site. Someone who can manage to find a blog and submit a comment is surely technologically savvy enough to know that posting such information publicly can be dangerous.
Should you wish to contact Mrs. Obama by telephone, you can find her contact information at whitehouse.gov. Unfortunately, I think your chances of working for the First Lady’s staff are quite low. However, I encourage you to pursue your dreams, as she would.
Best of Luck,
Dinsquared (the author)
Din, we love you. I just never knew you were also Michelle Obama. :P
Shhhhh. That’s actually my Secret Service code name.
Aww, I like the Fort Bragg outfit (what does this say about my sense of style? ;) But your point about brown also being a respectful (yet still different) color is well-taken. :)
Those black pants may be the most perplexing of all. Are they capris? Or just too short? Who knows…?
Love these posts…keep ’em coming!!! :)
not feeling the yellow necklace thing. and that clear belt on the cover of O? it’s like my jelly shoes from 12 years ago melted down and made into her belt. yuck!
I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m really puzzled by the belt.
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What’s with the endless wide width belts?
Hate how they make her upper torso so small.
This is what I keep asking. I haven’t gotten an answer yet. :(
At least this article is honest….. Mrs. Obama definitely has some fashion issues.
I think that the belt is not flattering to her figure on any type of outfit. An exception might be if it was just above her hips. This would elongate her and show off her height. She needs to lose the belt and not wear short cropped jackets. Her dresses need to fit to her body and the length of her jacket needs to end at her wrist when her arms are by her sides. The waistline of her skirts and pants needs to come down about four inches to lengthen her torso. I love her in White, butter, cream, apricot, royal blue, red and mint green.
You have identified the heart of the issue. She is a beautiful woman….but like most of us, not blessed with the perfect body! Her wonderful long legs and very short waisted torso would present a challenge to the most practiced stylist. Placing a very wide belt in the too short distance between her natural waist and bust line is surely the worst choice! I can only guess that somebody told her it would emphasize her small waist and she really took it to heart. The trick to perfecting our flaws is to play tricks on the eye to achieve perfect proportion….In her case an empire waist WOULD work…but with a skirt that was a-line from the raised waist. To insert a waistline just chops her body which is out of proportion with the length of her legs…You want a 1/3 to 2/3 division for “ideal” proportion and the majority of her choices violate that rule therefore emphasizing her few flaws! Has always seemed to me she just needs a very honest stylist! YOU might be perfect for the job!