It’s good to see you my little pr0n dumplings. Did you miss me? Say you did. Tonight’s post is what this blog is all about: pure pr0n. No holds barred, the best of the best of the fashion the web has to offer at any price from any designer. The only requirement is that it gets your engine running: heart rate faster, pupils dilated, slightly flushed – the whole nine yards. But enough talk, let’s get busy.
I have good news, dumplings; I’m in love. It’s true: I’m in love with a handbag. This is via the store/site Hayden-Harnett NYC , which I’d never heard of until I read Shopahol Hangover, and really – who among us hasn’t had a fashion hangover? Amirite?
Be warned this is a slim tote. “Din?” I hear you asking, “What means this ‘slim tote’? What are the implications for me?” Due time, dumplings. Due time.
What it means is that a) the handle drop is 3.5 inches. This bag is meant to be carried jauntily in the crook of your arm. “But Din,” I hear you ask, “I can’t carry much if it’s hanging on the crook of my arm.” Precisely, lumpkins.
This “Oryx Clutch” is meant “for a night on the town”. At 1.5″ deep, there’s enough for a light cardigan, your cell phone, wallet, condoms (we have had this talk, haven’t we?), and perhaps a pair of slippers for when those fabulous pumps feel a wee bit less than fabulous. $325, coincidentally ships 3/25.
But my love is fleeting and fickle. From the people at Simply Yours who brought you Gok Wan, comes Simply Be for plus-size clothing like this Big Button Jacket, available in (UK) sizes 14-32!
This jacket is made in machine washable, uber-soft velour and is fully lined. Looks like 3 buttons with a tab closure on the bottom. It’s car-coat length, so it’s hitting around mid-thigh.
The jacket comes in three colors – this is Ochre; there’s also Burnt Orange and Green, which is sort of…minty.
Let’s talk turkey £50, which Google tells me is about $72.00 these days. Sadly, Simply Be does not ship to the U.S. yet, but I’m thinking about a Pr0n Cultural Exchange program.
If someone wants to buy from Simply Yours or Simply Be, contact me and I’ll see if I can arrange for a UK friend to ship in exchange for sexual favors my undying love and a favor to be returned later.
But my lovely lemons cannot go naked underneath their new coats! No no, that will not do. And so I give you this actual vintage 60’s red wool knit suit, courtesy of Couture Allure. When I say actual vintage, I mean actual vintage. There’s one of these, so if you want it – go get it. We’ll still be here.
The chest is 40″, the waist is elasticized, so it’s 30″ not stretched out. I would add several more inches to that in terms of actual capacity. The sleeves are 18″ from the shoulder seam, so 3/4 length? and the top is meant to be looser than the skirt, which is 20″.
It’s 100% wool with a side zipper on the skirt. Check out the website for actual condition information, but it’s $55.00. Pr0n Approved.
Now, my under size 14 pr0nistas love vintage as well, and I have something for you. Can you say Vintage ’60’s DIOR?? Let me repeat myself VINTAGE DIOR, PEOPLE. I’m calm – I’m calm. This is an original Christian Dior from the 1960’s sold by Neiman Marcus. The fabric is tobacco brown in ribbed silk (ribbed silk!)
Please look at the detail on this dress. The darting at the bust that leads down to the side seaming. The skirt portion hits at low waist with a pleated bow detail. The bodice is a scoop neck with cap sleeves. *sigh*
“The dress closes with a center back metal zipper and has a brown China silk lining. It is interlined in cotton batiste for added body.”
The measurements are kind of interesting; they’re not what you typically see in sizing today. Bust – 37″, waist 27″, hips 40″. Shoulder to waist – 16″, shoulder to shoulder 16″. I’m envisioning someone curvy and petite in this dress.
If you have a special occasion coming up, look no further – plunk your $450 right here.
Why don’t we finish these outfits? Try these green and yellow tear drop dangles from ShopTwigs.com. Or these simple yellow stone earrings, also from Shoptwigs.
The teardrops combine yellow and lime green; wear them with neutrals, wear them with anything that has either color in it, wear them with navy – just wear them!
Originally $163, they’re on sale for $82. (Makes me want to get my ears re-pierced).
The yellow stones, which are just so classic and will go with anything are 3/4″ wide with a 1″ drop, and sell for $110.
Both these dresses cry out for a wonderful pump (Can you hear the dresses crying, Clarice?) For the vintage red wool, I recommend simplicity and modernity, both of which you can find in these suede Bottega Veneta platform pumps.
Did I mention they were suede? Yes, well – 4.5″ heel with a 1″ platform (remember pumpkins, that means it’s going to feel like a 3.5″ heel).
They have an almond shape toe, cone shaped heel and a molded platform and heel. You can purchase them for $690 at Net a Porter. Save the economy, buy Bottega Veneta!
The Dior calls for something more delicate – Dior generally does. One must be a lady in Dior. Once you’re out of the Dior, all bets are off – I’m just saying. These red patent leather Jimmy Choos are all wrong but I’m showing them to you anyway. Because it’s my blog; I can do that.
Red. Patent Leather. Mary Janes. Jimmy Choo. Do you need to know anything else?
Fine. Rounded toe, leather upper, leather lining. Adjustable leather strap along vamp. 4″ heel, made in Italy
Ah, men! I’ve neglected you! Unless you have a shoe fetish in which case you should be all set.
Well that was exciting. I opened up my men’s file and found…a belt. Fear not! I come bearing pr0n. Feast your eyes on this Vintage by La Rosa ’60’s car coat.
This is a mint condition original car coat from the ’60’s. Traditional collar, long sleeves with rolled cuffs and decorative buttons.
Chest width from underarm to underarm is 20″, sleeve length from shoulder to cuff is 24.5″, and length from neck to hem is 40″.
La Rosa is a vintage boutique on Haight Street in San Francisco, so if you’re nearby – stop in! If not, head over to eLuxury.com and make sure you have $400 available, credit or debit.
.If vintage isn’t your bag, never fear. Barney’s Co-op is here! I’d love to see my suitors in this Marc by Marc Jacobs Happy Face Cardigan. Exclusively at the Co-op (man that cracks me up. $900 clothes at a “co-op”), this light grey cotton v-neck cardigan sweater has a contrast yellow placket , two front pockets and a happy face logo over the left chest.
It’s also available in sort of a heathered gray with a contrast pink placket. Equally cute!
Why not slip on a pair of dark jeans and these Alexander McQueen bark zip-up ankle boots, and call that special gal pal of yours to go out for a malt?
.Now it seems to me that every time I feature lingerie, my hits go up. Maybe you all are just a bunch of pervs, but as long as you keep reading, I really don’t care.
Besides, I want to show you this handmade cami and shorts from On the Inside (via Smashing Darling):”Sassafrass” cami and “Forget Me Not Panties”. Each are handmade in New York City, and the pantiliner is made of organic cotton.
The designer says it’s a very soft cream colored lace with pink detail. The panties are definitely low rise, but flattering to one’s booty.
The cami has curved cups and plush, adjustable gold straps.
If you’re a small C or below and need just a bit of support rather than underwire, these pieces really look delightful.
The Cami is $35, panties are $20. Comparable to less that anything you’d find in a good department store, and wouldn’t you rather your money go to a real person anyway?
I’m going to show you lovelies two more pieces from On the Inside, because I stumbled across someone’s blog earlier, who was complaining that she couldn’t find a simple cotton, non-underwire bra (I swear it was complete coincidence.)
You have no idea how much I wish I would wear this organic cotton “Summersweet Bra” Mint cotton lined in cocoa with a cross-back for extra support. The bra is $34 (which I would totally pay if I thought it would work on Olga and Helga here). Matching low-rise panties are $20.
Okay. Is there anything we haven’t covered (get it? covered? get it? yeah.) Oh, crap. I promised like 12 million people skirts.
If you’ve got a little more flexibility in your wardrobe, or just want a cute skirt, check out this classic Collectif pencil skirt. It’s meant to be worn slightly low-rise and it comes in baby-blue, pale pink and lovely lemon yellow.
It’s available in UK sizes 8 – 20 and they do ship to the U.S. and Europe. Only two left in this particular style and it’s £10 . Check out the rest of their selection to make shipping costs worthwhile.
For a more classic skirt with a more classic fit, over at ShopBop I found this purple crepe skirt by Black Halo. It has rounded pockets at the hip with button flap detail, a hidden back zipper and notch at the back waistband (perhaps for a better fit?). It’s 23″ long, made in the U.S.A., sizes 0-10 for $230.
.Rounding out tonight’s catch is this cute as a button “Shorthand” skirt, back at Smashing Darling .
White cotton denim with a front tab with buttons that cover a zipper.
This is by designer Laura Dawson…annnnnd I don’t have any manufacturing information. $50 – currently available xs – m, which the site tells me is going to run a little small. I’m calling it 0-8, even though they say 2-10.
Last one for tonight, and then I leave you.
If any of you are truly and I mean really and truly fashion forward, then I have a gem of a skirt for you.
High waisted, black skirt, with gathers going down the front and sides. 100% cotton, machine washable. by Zeto Clothing.
“Zeto pays utmost attention to detail – using only the highest quality original fabrics, custom-dyes, light weight inks, and in-house artwork to punctuate each piece of clothing”. $88, with more specific styling details at the website.
My most precious pr0ners, good night good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night ’til it be morrow.
Once again – it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?