Tag Archives: platform shoes

Budget Pr0n!

Hi pr0nsters.  If there’s anything your blogger loves more than a sale, it’s a challenge.  Today I will be combining the two.  In this (first) edition of Dirt Cheap Pr0n, I will be putting together three pr0nish looks for $100-150.  Everyone knows the Fifth Rule of Shopping Pr0n:  A true pr0nista doesn’t depend on price.  You rarely have to pay full price, loveys.

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A sale is a tricky thing; you want the best price, but you don’t want the item to sell out in your size, particularly if you’re in the 10-14 range, which generally sells first.  So choose wisely – decide what an item of clothing is worth to you, sign up for email lists at favorite stores so you’ll get advance notice of sales, and special discounts, and when the time is right – pounce!  Sometimes that time is right away.  But rarely.


Outfit #1 is a work/date/dinner outfit..

I’m going to start with this fuchsia silk cami on final sale over at J. Crew.  It’s a final sale, so you have to know how this particular brand fits you, but I like it because it’s versatile – wear it under a suit, or with jeans or a pencil skirt.  They have it available in most sizes, and it’s in ivory, too.

The cami is fully lined, with a side zipper and it’s machine washable.  So this gets a thumbs up for me for $29.99, originally $75.00.

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Right now I’m thinking that I don’t like final sales – scary.  So I’m going to pair this with a classic pencil skirt on sale at Martin & Osa .

Because the cami has a slight A-Line I want something more fitted on bottom to balance it out.  This pencil skirt can go from work to evening, I like the above the knee length, and the slight sheen.

The skirt has a little stretch in it, and it’s fully lined.  Martin & Osa has free shipping and returns, and the skirt is still available in sizes 6-18.  So this skirt is a winner for only $19.99 on clearance from $69.99, and I’ve only spent half my budget.  Whoo!

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I’m kind of flexible with how I can finish the outfit on top depending on how much money I have left, but I know I need shoes so that’s what I’m after next.  

Endless.com has free overnight shipping on regular priced shoes, but these are clearance, so it’s standard shipping, which is 3-5 business days.  Still – free! Loving these cute Bongo peep toe Thora pumps for$26.10.

Thora has a 3.5 inch heel with a .25 inch platform, peep toe, and is available in sizes 6 to 8.5.  I can still spend $24.00 or so on accessories or a jacket if I’m really lucky.

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Overstock.com has $1.00 shipping, so I’m going to take advantage of that.  For $9.89 this pink ring matches the pink top, and will give the outfit another splash of color.

Finally I’m going to brighten the whole thing with a Sterling Silver Polished Flex Bangle Bracelet for $15.29.

Grand total, including shipping with J. Crew equals $110.76. *beams*  Throw in your own handbag and black tights, pls.

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Outfit #2 is an outfit that can be casual, work or date.  Almost anywhere.

I don’t know why finding an affordable, pr0nish dress was so difficult, but trust me: it was.  I found the dress I chose in an unlikely place: The Greenloop.  This is an organic cotton wrap dress; you may have heard that wrap dresses are nearly universally flattering, and it’s true.  Whether you’ve got a tummy or hips, a wrap dress can camouflage.

Again, this is organic cotton, with a deep v-neck (throw a cami under if there’s too much cleavage), 3/4 length sleeves, and an a-line skirt that hits right above the knee (too long? the tailor is your friend).  It’s available up to an XL (16) in Black, Cranberry, Midnight Blue and Truffle (shown).

Diane was originally $95, it’s on sale for $75; use code sale25 and the final price is $61.75 (including $5.00 shipping). It’s a simple dress, but that just means you can do a lot with it.

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I love it with boots, but thinking outside the box, I went over to Payless.  They’re following Target’s lead and teaming up with high fashion designers to produce pr0nish Payless lines.

These gray flats are Lela Rose for Target. Your dear blogger is all over gray tights right now, too. They go with everything and are such a cute change from black.  The flats $34, so this outfit is going to be more than the last.

Speaking of Target, while we’re running errands, we’ll swing into there.  Hayden-Harnett has a limited edition line there, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss out on that!

The website seems to feel this is a rectangular clutch with no straps; I beg to differ.  This is a brown rectangular PVC bag, with a fold-over flap (don’t know if the interior zips or not), with a square gold-tone detail on the front and a skinny strap.

The interior has the Hayden Harnett signature.

You can have your own Hayden Harnett for $29.99 (the clutch is $19.99).  We’re up to $125, so let’s throw in one more thing and call it a wrap.

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In fact, that’s a great idea.  I’m going to throw on this purple ruffle-knit acrylic wrap.  It’ll keep me warm and give the outfit a little contrast color, which will go with any of the colors the dress is in, and give a little contrast texture.  It’s $14.99 on clearance.

Our grand total is about $140, and we got a dress, shoes, handbag and a wrap.  Not shabby!  If we’d used our own shoes, and bought the clutch, we’d come in right at $100.

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Outfit #3 is for men, and I’m anticipating this is going to be easy.

Men, I’m going to teach you a very valuable skill: it’s called layering.  A few years ago, Scowley’s hubby came down for the weekend and I cleaned him up but good.  This is the kind of outfit we’re going to put together.

Here’s what you do: you take a button down shirt with a little personality, like this Project E pale green distressed ‘Rivington’ button down shirt from Bluefly.com.  Retail price: $84.99, Bluefly price $50, reduced to $44.99, Presidents Day sale price: $35.99.

Now you pair it with a nice t-shirt underneath.  A nice t-shirt.  A new t-shirt.  With some color and personality.  I like this coffee colored graphic-tee, also from Pr0ject E.  Yes, the top is green and the bottom is brown.  You can do that.  When in doubt, buy a color wheel.

(Okay, I’m being stereotypical here.  My guy friends are actually pretty hot and dress well.)  The t-shirt was blah blah, it’s now $16.79 when all is said and done.

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Whee.  We’re only up to about 5o bucks.  We need jeans.  I have to impress on both men and women that jeans shopping sucks.  You may have to try on more than one pair.  You may have to try on lots of pairs.  Suck it up.

Don’t overthink jeans.  Head over to Old Navy, and pick yourself up a pair of medium/dark rinse boot-cut jeans for $29.50.  (I know, I just contradicted myself, but for the sake of this post, my point is that jeans don’t need to cost $200.)

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We’re up to $80, and we need shoes.  I’m partial to a nice “sneaker” like this navy nylon “Kamikaze” from Gola at Bluefly.

As long as they’re not actual sneakers, and they’re neat and clean, you’re golden.

These are $39.99.  Bluefly shipping within the continental U.S. is a flat $7.95, bringing our fine gentleman’s grand total to $130.22.

Once you’ve got this type of dressing down, call your blogger! (Have I mentioned I’m single?)

There you have it!  Three complete outfits, which will stretch very far in your closet for under $150.  Yay!

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This was a pain in the butt, but the thing is that good sales are usually much easier to find in person.  Stores like Loehmann’s, TJMaxx, Marshalls and Filene’s Basement will save you money on good name brands right off the bat.  Sign up for their email lists, find out about sales, and get coupons via email and save even more!

Dress like a million bucks for just a hundred.  Now that’s pr0n. Thanks for reading, lumpkins.  I’m a bit under the weather, so I hope it was up to par.

As always, it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?

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Pr0n Plus – February 8th Edition

Hello hello, my lovely pr0n potatoes.  Those of you who are pr0n virgins – welcome!  Those of you with a pr0n habit – welcome back!  In this week’s edition of Pr0n Plus: The Very Best Plus Size Fashion, some of the things I’ll be showing you a classic trenchcoat up to a size 18, adorable, soft cotton/spandex lingerie from Kiyonna up to a size 30-32, and the cutest pumps you’ve ever seen, up to a size 16M from Kathryn Kerrigan.  Time’s a-wasting and other people are buying our stuff, my little plumquats, so let’s dig in!

I think I’ll start with my biggest surprise, which was finding out that designer MaxStudio.com sells a size XL, which appears to be a U.S. size 16-18. Since they have lovely clothes and even lovelier sales, this was quite a find.  This is a 100% cashmere short sleeved dress, with bib detail, and ruffles at the sleeve and hem.  Wear it on its own, or with a pair of yummy tights.

In charcoal and heather yellow (love these colors), it’s available up to an XL, heather rust is available up to an L, which is a 14/16.  The size chart looks pretty true to me, but do look for yourself.  I almost forgot – it was originally $228, and it’s now $168 ($100 total gets you free shipping).  Did I mention it’s 100% cashmere?.  They’re out of it in your dear blogger’s size; I checked. :( (MaxStudio.com garments appear to be made in a variety of mostly Asian countries: China, Hong Kong (which is now part of China), and Singapore, from what I can find)

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This sort of clingy dress calls for a smooth line.  ShoppingPr0nistas are big fans of Gok Wan‘s plus size lingerie and shapewear.  His Divine Outline would work wonderfully under this dress. £45 or about $67 USD, sizes 8 to 32.

If you’re someplace they don’t deliver to  (i.e. the U.S.), make friends with someone in the U.K. and bake them cookies.  Or bug me and I’ll see what I can do.  I can’t see where his line is made, but I’ll poke Char who works over there and see if she’ll tell me.  Oh! And his new collection is coming out February 23rd!  Eeee!  Watch this space.  Well, not this space, but this space.

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Moving on, munchkins!  That less dress was a tad unforgiving – definitely meant for an hourglass figure.  This next dress, Kilo by PAS, is more forgiving of someone less hourglass and more apple.

It’s hard to see, but this is actually a cream dress with a black heart print (best view here), 97% viscose (like a rayon), 3% spandex with gathering under the bust and sleeve – perhaps for a bit of stretch.  The dress measures 37″ from shoulder to hem – figure accordingly where it’s going to hit on you.  This is so so sexy, and so chic, I had to feature it.

It’s a prime example of the Third Rule of Shopping Pr0n: Good fashion is good fashion at any size.  Over at PinkMarzipan.com, they do appear to ship outside the UK, and they’re selling this dress for £75 or about $110USD.  They have a currency converter onsite, which is nice.  Unfortunately, I can’t find any information about where PAS clothing is made.

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A great dress demands a great pair of shoes, no – deserves it!  Over at My Lovely Big Feet Blog, where girlfriend knows good shoes, I had seen these scrumptious shoes in blue.  But where she had them linked to,  you couldn’t order them after 2/1/09.  Lucky for you, my pr0n readers, I ran across them at Endless.com.

Pick up Kathryn Kerrigan’s Ames T-straps up to a size 16 M, on sale for $149.40.  These are leather and patent leather, with an adjustable T-strap, and a 2 1/4 curved wedge heel.  Both the outsole and the insole are leather.

Kathryn Kerrigan shoes are handcrafted in Spain, and this particular style is also available in black.  The rest of her line is equally unique and stylish.  Ch-ch-check it out.

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If you don’t necessarily need big, but you do need wide surf over to old standby Nordstrom and try Söfft’s Chrissy pump. Söfft is what we call truth in advertising.  They’re known as a “comfort” brand, so to get styling like this from a comfort brand is genius.

I have to tell you that I have personally tried on these shoes.  They’re 3.5″ heels, which is about 1/2″ higher than your dear pr0n blogger can handle (Yes, I’m a shoe hypocrite.).  So I put these on (and they were comfortable – don’t get me wrong!)  and I was like a Weeble – because “Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down”.  That was me. :D

Anyhoo.  Chrissy is lovely, also available in black leather, from sizes 7-10 Narrow, 5-12 Medium and 1-10 Wide, and has a cushy polyurethane sole.  They’re only $99 smackeroos at Nordy’s. The company is based in Massachusetts, but the shoes appear to be made in China.

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So you’ve got the great dress, you’re rocking the fabulous shoes, what every fashionista needs in her closet next is a trenchcoat.

From Martin & Osa, a U.S. brand from the same family as American Eagle Outfitters, is this classic styled soft polyester trenchcoat.  Here’s what the site has to say: Fitted silhouette, removable self-belt, double-breasted metal-button placket, rounded collar, hook-and-eye closure,  long sleeves with belts, front pockets, and vented button-tab hem falls above knee.  Whew.

Here’s what I say: this is a great jacket and you’ll have it for years.  Buy it.  Ha.  Martin & Osa do ship internationally.  It goes up to an XXL, which they say is an 18; the measurements look a little small to me, but it’s been a while since I’ve been plus-size so check it out for yourself.  The coat is a new arrival and $170 (with free shipping). Country of origin is tricky to pin down other than “Imported”.  American Eagle Outfitters says that at least 20% of their denim comes from China, so you can assume there’s at least a chance this was made there.

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Something that I always had the hardest time finding when I was plus-size was chic work clothes: clothing my mother wouldn’t wear (sorry, Pr0nMom!), that I could feel cute in, working in a more business-like environment.

So my eyes bugged out at this Patrizia Tailored Ruffle Jacket and Skirt from Igigi.comI’m a little unhappy because it’s a man-made herringbone tweed, as opposed to say a wool, or wool blend tweed; for the money ($208 for the jacket and $102 for the pants) it should be natural fibers, IMO.

But that being said, it’s a terrific design (your blogger wants one!)  The jacket has princess seams (in fact you can see the exact structure of the jacket at the website, which I’ve never seen at a website before), bracelet length sleeves, and stretch.

The pants have a slight bootcut, a contoured waistband (to hopefully avoid that “gap” in back) with belt loops (seriously pants without belt loops drive me insane); they’re fully lined, and they’re cuffed, which you can always have taken down if you don’t like cuffs.  In theory, both go up to a size 30, but sizes are already sold out or selling fast. Thanks, igigi!  Both pieces were manufactured in the United States.

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Last but not least, I bring you comfy, sexy lingerie.  I bring you comfy, sexy lingerie up to a size 30/32!  (How much do you love me?)  Well known line Kiyonna, now has a separate lingerie line, Alectra by Kiyonna.  It’s great to see a range of stuff in a range of sizes.

This is a cami, lounge pants (lounge pants are out of a lot of sizes) and thong in cotton candy with black lace or black with taupe lace.  All pieces in this set are 97% cotton & 3% spandex.

The cami is $26, and goes from an 0X (10-12) to a 3X (22-24) in the cotton candy, and 4X (26-28) in the black.  The lounge pants are $26, and available 0X & 1X in Cotton Candy and 0X to 2X in Black. (International shipping available)

These do sell elsewhere, so look around if they’re out of your size.  The thong is $18, and available up to a 5x (30-32) in both colors.  I have nothing on manufacturing for Alectra; Kiyonna simply says “Imported”.

Well my little starfish, our time together is up.  I do include plus-size clothing in all my posts, but Pr0n Plus, our alone time, comes each weekend.  I save my weekends for you my little plus size pr0ners, because you’re special.

I have no idea what my next post is going to be…but it’ll be something!  Tuesday, perhaps.  Until then, it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?

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Pure Pr0n

It’s good to see you my little pr0n dumplings.  Did you miss me?  Say you did.  Tonight’s post is what this blog is all about: pure pr0n.  No holds barred, the best of the best of the fashion the web has to offer at any price from any designer.  The only requirement is that it gets your engine running: heart rate faster, pupils dilated, slightly flushed – the whole nine yards.  But enough talk, let’s get busy.

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I have good news, dumplings; I’m in love.  It’s true: I’m in love with a handbag.  This is via the store/site Hayden-Harnett NYC , which I’d never heard of until I read Shopahol Hangover, and really – who among us hasn’t had a fashion hangover? Amirite?

Be warned this is a slim tote. “Din?” I hear you asking, “What means this ‘slim tote’?  What are the implications for me?”  Due time, dumplings.  Due time.

What it means is that a) the handle drop is 3.5 inches.  This bag is meant to be carried jauntily in the crook of your arm. “But Din,” I hear you ask, “I can’t carry much if it’s hanging on the crook of my arm.”  Precisely, lumpkins.

This “Oryx Clutch” is meant “for a night on the town”.   At 1.5″ deep, there’s enough for a light cardigan, your cell phone, wallet, condoms (we have had this talk, haven’t we?), and perhaps a pair of slippers for when those fabulous pumps feel a wee bit less than fabulous.  $325, coincidentally ships 3/25.

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But my love is fleeting and fickle.  From the people at Simply Yours who brought you Gok Wan, comes Simply Be for plus-size clothing like this Big Button Jacket, available in (UK) sizes 14-32!

This jacket is made in machine washable, uber-soft velour and is fully lined.  Looks like 3 buttons with a tab closure on the bottom.  It’s car-coat length, so it’s hitting around mid-thigh.

The jacket comes in three colors – this is Ochre; there’s also Burnt Orange and Green, which is sort of…minty.

Let’s talk turkey £50, which Google tells me is about $72.00 these days.  Sadly, Simply Be does not ship to the U.S. yet, but I’m thinking about a Pr0n Cultural Exchange program.

If someone wants to buy from Simply Yours or Simply Be, contact me and I’ll see if I can arrange for a UK friend to ship in exchange for sexual favors my undying love and a favor to be returned later.

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But my lovely lemons cannot go naked underneath their new coats!  No no, that will not do.  And so I give you this actual vintage 60’s  red wool knit suit, courtesy of  Couture Allure.  When I say actual vintage, I mean actual vintage. There’s one of these, so if you want it – go get it.  We’ll still be here.

The chest is 40″, the waist is elasticized, so it’s 30″ not stretched out.  I would add several more inches to that in terms of actual capacity.  The sleeves are 18″ from the shoulder seam, so 3/4 length? and the top is meant to be looser than the skirt, which is 20″.

It’s 100% wool with a side zipper on the skirt.  Check out the website for actual condition information, but it’s $55.00.  Pr0n Approved.

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Now, my under size 14 pr0nistas love vintage as well, and I have something for you.  Can you say Vintage ’60’s DIOR??  Let me repeat myself VINTAGE DIOR, PEOPLE.  I’m calm – I’m calm.  This is an original Christian Dior from the 1960’s sold by Neiman Marcus.  The fabric is tobacco brown in ribbed silk (ribbed silk!)

Please look at the detail on this dress.  The darting at the bust that leads down to the side seaming.  The skirt portion hits at low waist with a pleated bow detail.  The bodice is a scoop neck with cap sleeves. *sigh*

The dress closes with a center back metal zipper and has a brown China silk lining.  It is interlined in cotton batiste for added body.”

The measurements are kind of interesting; they’re not what you typically see in sizing today.  Bust – 37″, waist 27″, hips 40″.  Shoulder to waist – 16″, shoulder to shoulder 16″.  I’m envisioning someone curvy and petite in this dress.

If you have a special occasion coming up, look no further – plunk your $450 right here.

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Why don’t we finish these outfits?  Try these green and yellow tear drop dangles from ShopTwigs.com. Or these simple yellow stone earrings, also from Shoptwigs.

The teardrops combine yellow and lime green; wear them with neutrals, wear them with anything that has either color in it, wear them with navy – just wear them!

Originally $163, they’re on sale for $82. (Makes me want to get my ears re-pierced).

The yellow stones, which are just so classic and will go with anything are 3/4″ wide with a 1″ drop, and sell for $110.

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Both these dresses cry out for a wonderful pump (Can you hear the dresses crying, Clarice?)  For the vintage red wool, I recommend simplicity and modernity, both of which you can find in these suede Bottega Veneta platform pumps.

Did I mention they were suede?  Yes, well – 4.5″ heel with a 1″ platform (remember pumpkins, that means it’s going to feel like a 3.5″ heel).

They have an almond shape toe, cone shaped heel and a molded platform and heel.  You can purchase them for $690 at Net a Porter.  Save the economy, buy Bottega Veneta!

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The Dior calls for something more delicate – Dior generally does.  One must be a lady in Dior. Once you’re out of the Dior, all bets are off – I’m just saying.  These red patent leather Jimmy Choos are all wrong but I’m showing them to you anyway.  Because it’s my blog; I can do that.

Red. Patent Leather. Mary Janes. Jimmy Choo.  Do you need to know anything else?

Fine.  Rounded toe, leather upper, leather lining.  Adjustable leather strap along vamp. 4″ heel, made in Italy

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Ah, men!  I’ve neglected you!  Unless you have a shoe fetish in which case you should be all set.

Well that was exciting.  I opened up my men’s file and found…a belt.  Fear not! I come bearing pr0n.  Feast your eyes on this Vintage by La Rosa ’60’s car coat.

This is a mint condition original car coat from the ’60’s.  Traditional collar, long sleeves with rolled cuffs and decorative buttons.

Chest width from underarm to underarm is 20″, sleeve length from shoulder to cuff is 24.5″, and length from neck to hem is 40″.

La Rosa is a vintage boutique on Haight Street in San Francisco, so if you’re nearby – stop in!  If not, head over to eLuxury.com and make sure you have $400 available, credit or debit.

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.If vintage isn’t your bag, never fear.  Barney’s Co-op is here!  I’d love to see my suitors in this Marc by Marc Jacobs Happy Face Cardigan.  Exclusively at the Co-op (man that cracks me up.  $900 clothes at a “co-op”), this light grey cotton v-neck cardigan sweater has a contrast yellow placket , two front pockets and a happy face logo over the left chest.

It’s also available in sort of a heathered gray with a contrast pink placket.  Equally cute!

Why not slip on a pair of dark jeans and these Alexander McQueen bark zip-up ankle boots, and call that special gal pal of yours to go out for a malt?

.Now it seems to me that every time I feature lingerie, my hits go up.  Maybe you all are just a bunch of pervs, but as long as you keep reading, I really don’t care.

Besides, I want to show you this handmade cami and shorts from On the Inside (via Smashing Darling):”Sassafrass” cami and “Forget Me Not Panties”.  Each are handmade in New York City, and the pantiliner is made of organic cotton.

The designer says it’s a very soft cream colored lace with pink detail.  The panties are definitely low rise, but flattering to one’s booty.

The cami has curved cups and plush, adjustable gold straps.

If you’re a small C or below and need just a bit of support rather than underwire, these pieces really look delightful.

The Cami is $35, panties are $20.  Comparable to less that anything you’d find in a good department store, and wouldn’t you rather your money go to a real person anyway?

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I’m going to show you lovelies two more pieces from On the Inside, because I stumbled across someone’s blog earlier, who was complaining that she couldn’t find a simple cotton, non-underwire bra (I swear it was complete coincidence.)

You have no idea how much I wish I would wear this organic cotton “Summersweet Bra” Mint cotton lined in cocoa with a cross-back for extra support.  The bra is $34 (which I would totally pay if I thought it would work on Olga and Helga here). Matching low-rise panties are $20.

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Okay.  Is there anything we haven’t covered (get it? covered? get it? yeah.)  Oh, crap. I promised like 12 million people skirts.

If you’ve got a little more flexibility in your wardrobe, or just want a cute skirt, check out this classic Collectif pencil skirt.  It’s meant to be worn slightly low-rise and it comes in baby-blue, pale pink and lovely lemon yellow.

It’s available in UK sizes 8 – 20 and they do ship to the U.S. and Europe.  Only two left in this particular style and it’s £10 . Check out the rest of their selection to make shipping costs worthwhile.

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For a more classic skirt with a more classic fit, over at ShopBop I found this purple crepe skirt by Black Halo.  It has rounded pockets at the hip with button flap detail, a hidden back zipper and notch at the back waistband (perhaps for a better fit?).  It’s 23″ long, made in the U.S.A., sizes 0-10 for $230.

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.Rounding out tonight’s catch is this cute as a button “Shorthand” skirt, back at Smashing Darling .

White cotton denim with a front tab with buttons that cover a zipper.

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This is by designer Laura Dawson…annnnnd I don’t have any manufacturing information.  $50 – currently available xs – m, which the site tells me is going to run a little small.   I’m calling it 0-8, even though they say 2-10.

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Last one for tonight, and then I leave you.

If any of you are truly and I mean really and truly fashion forward, then I have a gem of a skirt for you.

High waisted, black skirt, with gathers going down the front and sides. 100% cotton, machine washable. by Zeto Clothing.

“Zeto pays utmost attention to detail – using only the highest quality original fabrics, custom-dyes, light weight inks, and in-house artwork to punctuate each piece of clothing”.  $88, with more specific styling details at the website.

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My most precious pr0ners, good night good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night ’til it be morrow.

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Once again – it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?

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Clearance Pr0n

Welcome back, pr0n lovers, it’s good to see you again. Right now is that awkward time of year when you’re in one season, but the stores are in another. The good news is that if you play your cards right you can have a shopping trip to fill any pr0n fantasy. Today I’m going to bring to you the best of the best sales on the web. Just remember: half off Gucci is still a month’s rent. This is pr0n after all.

Whenever I’m looking for a pr0nish deal, I start at Bluefly.com . You can count on brand names you know at really good deals. Extra sales come frequently here, as well as lots of opportunity to enter into a sweepstakes for this or that. I haven’t won yet, but I keep trying! Speaking of which, right now they’re having their “Designer Blue Sale”, so lots of scrumptious sales are sure to be found.

I don’t usually start with handbags, but this kelly green patent leather “Diego Toto” tote by Shih Handbags caught my eye and wouldn’t let go. Let’s start with the price: this is a bag which retails for $495 – the Blue Sale price is $222.99.  That’s not a deal, that’s a steal.  Don’t think I’m not drooling over the divine patent leather green which is perfect for spring and summer – how often do you get a bag for next season at half off? Never! Hello? For those of the slightly faint of heart, it also comes in black patent leather, which is rarely a bad investment.

The other thing that I really want to point out about this bag is that the drop (the length from the top of the straps to the bag) is 8″, which makes it plenty long enough to actually be a shoulder bag.  I have a pet peeve about adorable bags that don’t fit over your shoulder. I’m sorry, but I’m not Holly Golightly walking around NYC in my pearls, and handbag in the crook of my arm. If you are, more power to you.

Now here’s where we get really pr0ny.  I’m going to show you the most delicious pair of shoes at the most delicious price – if they don’t have them in this color in this size, don’t blame me.

Let’s talk Nanette Lepore – a designer who makes the most adorable clothing and accessories with a feminine, vintage feel. Let’s talk a 3 3/4″ heel, with a slight platform and a peep toe; I’m guessing the platform is a good inch. What that platform does is make that 3 3/4″ feel like 2 3/4″, so your podiatrist won’t yell at you too much. The shoe comes in three flavors, I prefer the sand and black, but the ivory and taupe is also acceptable. The navy and cream is just a little too Andrews Sisters for me. These shoes retail for a substantial $495; Blue Sale price: $160.99. You heard me.  These puppies would go with everything: skirts, pants and dresses. They’d make a fabulous addition to your wardrobe.

Remember how I said half off Gucci was still a month’s rent? I meant Prada. Say it with me: Praaaaadaaaa. Doesn’t it just make you tingle all over? Men, I have for you a Prada herringbone wool 3 button suit at 45% off.

Retail price (I feel like I’m on The Price is Right here): $1895; Blue Sale price $1045.49. A Prada suit is an investment. (Prada anything  is an investment.) You put that suit on and it says: I look good. I feel good. I AM good. (What it says is “Call your your blogger. I’m single!) The one feature I want to call attention to is the “stance”; that’s where the top button hits.  Because the stance is particularly high on a three- button suit, it’s going to be flattering on anyone looking to hide a little tummy; the lower that stance is, the more you’re calling attention to it. Also, the rule for buttoning 3 button suits is from top to bottom: sometimes, always, never.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Remember we talked about Nanette Lepore earlier? I was surprised and delighted to find this pure silk “Dazzle Me Dress” on clearance at Cusp. Please please please go buy this short merlot dress with silver appliques. It was $595, and it’s on clearance (currently sizes two through eight) for $178.50. Boat neck, cap sleeves, keyhole detail. If I had the money, I’d buy it myself!  So buy it for me and wear it someplace fabulous. Maybe even with the guy in the Prada suit.

From Shopping Pr0n

Now just because this is pr0n, don’t ever believe you have to sacrifice form for function. Perish the thought! If you can’t find something stylish and functional, you simply haven’t looked hard enough! (Or read my blog.)  I’m going to show you all a few different bags, just to show how much of a variety in form and fashion there is, starting with this Cynthia Rowley “Neo Tote”. Cynthia Rowley is another one of my favorite designers, particularly when it comes to handbags, because her designs are fun. They have a sense of humor about them without feeling like your bag is screaming a la Betsey Johnson.

Don’t get me wrong, Betsey has a time and a place, but it’s not all the time and it’s not for everyone. Anyway, I love this adorable black and white (or red and black)  tote.  It’s perfect for an overnight bag, or an everyday handbag for someone in a more “flexible” industry.  Inside it’s divided into two compartments, with a middle zippered compartment, and the outside has a zipper on each side to make it expandable.  Note also the two outside front pockets. This bag was originally $398 and is currently on sale for  $199! Get it now! Go on, I’ll wait.

MEN: Please stop thinking that your only choices in life are the same basic black briefcase that everyone else has (you know, the one that’s not really made for a laptop that you overstuff ’til it groans and bulges like your belt after Thanksgiving dinner?), or a casual canvas messenger bag that you could (and may) have used in college. There is hope! For only $29.99…no, sorry. Got carried away there.  I’ll spare you the thousand dollar Prada this time in favor of this black leather Andrew Marc laptop messenger bag. That’s right, a leather laptop messenger bag.

Supple leather, 15″ width large enough for an average laptop, sling-like strap, an interior file pocket and a front flap with a magnetic snap closure for easy, but secure access.  The bottom has 5 metal feet, meaning if you put it on the ground it’s not going to destroy the bottom of the bag. Retail price $450, Blue Sale price: $270. Forty percent off, all access pass…

The last bag I’m showing is because my instinct is to go fairly girly, but I know some of you like the boyish girls and I want to show that a handbag doesn’t have to be ultra-feminine to be chic and fashionable and still look like a woman’s bag.

In fact, it’s called “Barney’s Chic Mailbag”. It’s got chic right in the name! Truth in advertising for once. Now, the bag has a 4″ handle drop, so if it’s going to fit under your shoulder, it’s going to fit right under your shoulder. But this is an Italian patent leather mailbag from Barney’s New York. It has a canvas lined interior with leather trim organizational pocket and two organizational pockets.

My little pr0n lovers, there’s nothing not feminine about this bag. Think Marlene Dietrich or Greta Garbo. Then think about the price: originally $695, now on sale for $169. If you have any interest in this bag GET IT NOW. Bargains just don’t get any pr0nier than this.

Our time is up my little p0rn fans. I’ll leave you with something all of us can appreciate. This Only Hearts lavender grey tiered camisole and hipster. Cami originally $59, now $17.70, hipsters originally $39, now $10.80-$18. Something to curl up with at night.

That’s it for now. It was good for me; tell me: was it good for you?

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