Tag Archives: platform pumps

Budget Pr0n!

Hi pr0nsters.  If there’s anything your blogger loves more than a sale, it’s a challenge.  Today I will be combining the two.  In this (first) edition of Dirt Cheap Pr0n, I will be putting together three pr0nish looks for $100-150.  Everyone knows the Fifth Rule of Shopping Pr0n:  A true pr0nista doesn’t depend on price.  You rarely have to pay full price, loveys.

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A sale is a tricky thing; you want the best price, but you don’t want the item to sell out in your size, particularly if you’re in the 10-14 range, which generally sells first.  So choose wisely – decide what an item of clothing is worth to you, sign up for email lists at favorite stores so you’ll get advance notice of sales, and special discounts, and when the time is right – pounce!  Sometimes that time is right away.  But rarely.


Outfit #1 is a work/date/dinner outfit..

I’m going to start with this fuchsia silk cami on final sale over at J. Crew.  It’s a final sale, so you have to know how this particular brand fits you, but I like it because it’s versatile – wear it under a suit, or with jeans or a pencil skirt.  They have it available in most sizes, and it’s in ivory, too.

The cami is fully lined, with a side zipper and it’s machine washable.  So this gets a thumbs up for me for $29.99, originally $75.00.

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Right now I’m thinking that I don’t like final sales – scary.  So I’m going to pair this with a classic pencil skirt on sale at Martin & Osa .

Because the cami has a slight A-Line I want something more fitted on bottom to balance it out.  This pencil skirt can go from work to evening, I like the above the knee length, and the slight sheen.

The skirt has a little stretch in it, and it’s fully lined.  Martin & Osa has free shipping and returns, and the skirt is still available in sizes 6-18.  So this skirt is a winner for only $19.99 on clearance from $69.99, and I’ve only spent half my budget.  Whoo!

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I’m kind of flexible with how I can finish the outfit on top depending on how much money I have left, but I know I need shoes so that’s what I’m after next.  

Endless.com has free overnight shipping on regular priced shoes, but these are clearance, so it’s standard shipping, which is 3-5 business days.  Still – free! Loving these cute Bongo peep toe Thora pumps for$26.10.

Thora has a 3.5 inch heel with a .25 inch platform, peep toe, and is available in sizes 6 to 8.5.  I can still spend $24.00 or so on accessories or a jacket if I’m really lucky.

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Overstock.com has $1.00 shipping, so I’m going to take advantage of that.  For $9.89 this pink ring matches the pink top, and will give the outfit another splash of color.

Finally I’m going to brighten the whole thing with a Sterling Silver Polished Flex Bangle Bracelet for $15.29.

Grand total, including shipping with J. Crew equals $110.76. *beams*  Throw in your own handbag and black tights, pls.

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Outfit #2 is an outfit that can be casual, work or date.  Almost anywhere.

I don’t know why finding an affordable, pr0nish dress was so difficult, but trust me: it was.  I found the dress I chose in an unlikely place: The Greenloop.  This is an organic cotton wrap dress; you may have heard that wrap dresses are nearly universally flattering, and it’s true.  Whether you’ve got a tummy or hips, a wrap dress can camouflage.

Again, this is organic cotton, with a deep v-neck (throw a cami under if there’s too much cleavage), 3/4 length sleeves, and an a-line skirt that hits right above the knee (too long? the tailor is your friend).  It’s available up to an XL (16) in Black, Cranberry, Midnight Blue and Truffle (shown).

Diane was originally $95, it’s on sale for $75; use code sale25 and the final price is $61.75 (including $5.00 shipping). It’s a simple dress, but that just means you can do a lot with it.

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I love it with boots, but thinking outside the box, I went over to Payless.  They’re following Target’s lead and teaming up with high fashion designers to produce pr0nish Payless lines.

These gray flats are Lela Rose for Target. Your dear blogger is all over gray tights right now, too. They go with everything and are such a cute change from black.  The flats $34, so this outfit is going to be more than the last.

Speaking of Target, while we’re running errands, we’ll swing into there.  Hayden-Harnett has a limited edition line there, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss out on that!

The website seems to feel this is a rectangular clutch with no straps; I beg to differ.  This is a brown rectangular PVC bag, with a fold-over flap (don’t know if the interior zips or not), with a square gold-tone detail on the front and a skinny strap.

The interior has the Hayden Harnett signature.

You can have your own Hayden Harnett for $29.99 (the clutch is $19.99).  We’re up to $125, so let’s throw in one more thing and call it a wrap.

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In fact, that’s a great idea.  I’m going to throw on this purple ruffle-knit acrylic wrap.  It’ll keep me warm and give the outfit a little contrast color, which will go with any of the colors the dress is in, and give a little contrast texture.  It’s $14.99 on clearance.

Our grand total is about $140, and we got a dress, shoes, handbag and a wrap.  Not shabby!  If we’d used our own shoes, and bought the clutch, we’d come in right at $100.

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Outfit #3 is for men, and I’m anticipating this is going to be easy.

Men, I’m going to teach you a very valuable skill: it’s called layering.  A few years ago, Scowley’s hubby came down for the weekend and I cleaned him up but good.  This is the kind of outfit we’re going to put together.

Here’s what you do: you take a button down shirt with a little personality, like this Project E pale green distressed ‘Rivington’ button down shirt from Bluefly.com.  Retail price: $84.99, Bluefly price $50, reduced to $44.99, Presidents Day sale price: $35.99.

Now you pair it with a nice t-shirt underneath.  A nice t-shirt.  A new t-shirt.  With some color and personality.  I like this coffee colored graphic-tee, also from Pr0ject E.  Yes, the top is green and the bottom is brown.  You can do that.  When in doubt, buy a color wheel.

(Okay, I’m being stereotypical here.  My guy friends are actually pretty hot and dress well.)  The t-shirt was blah blah, it’s now $16.79 when all is said and done.

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Whee.  We’re only up to about 5o bucks.  We need jeans.  I have to impress on both men and women that jeans shopping sucks.  You may have to try on more than one pair.  You may have to try on lots of pairs.  Suck it up.

Don’t overthink jeans.  Head over to Old Navy, and pick yourself up a pair of medium/dark rinse boot-cut jeans for $29.50.  (I know, I just contradicted myself, but for the sake of this post, my point is that jeans don’t need to cost $200.)

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We’re up to $80, and we need shoes.  I’m partial to a nice “sneaker” like this navy nylon “Kamikaze” from Gola at Bluefly.

As long as they’re not actual sneakers, and they’re neat and clean, you’re golden.

These are $39.99.  Bluefly shipping within the continental U.S. is a flat $7.95, bringing our fine gentleman’s grand total to $130.22.

Once you’ve got this type of dressing down, call your blogger! (Have I mentioned I’m single?)

There you have it!  Three complete outfits, which will stretch very far in your closet for under $150.  Yay!

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This was a pain in the butt, but the thing is that good sales are usually much easier to find in person.  Stores like Loehmann’s, TJMaxx, Marshalls and Filene’s Basement will save you money on good name brands right off the bat.  Sign up for their email lists, find out about sales, and get coupons via email and save even more!

Dress like a million bucks for just a hundred.  Now that’s pr0n. Thanks for reading, lumpkins.  I’m a bit under the weather, so I hope it was up to par.

As always, it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?

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Pure Pr0n

It’s good to see you my little pr0n dumplings.  Did you miss me?  Say you did.  Tonight’s post is what this blog is all about: pure pr0n.  No holds barred, the best of the best of the fashion the web has to offer at any price from any designer.  The only requirement is that it gets your engine running: heart rate faster, pupils dilated, slightly flushed – the whole nine yards.  But enough talk, let’s get busy.

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I have good news, dumplings; I’m in love.  It’s true: I’m in love with a handbag.  This is via the store/site Hayden-Harnett NYC , which I’d never heard of until I read Shopahol Hangover, and really – who among us hasn’t had a fashion hangover? Amirite?

Be warned this is a slim tote. “Din?” I hear you asking, “What means this ‘slim tote’?  What are the implications for me?”  Due time, dumplings.  Due time.

What it means is that a) the handle drop is 3.5 inches.  This bag is meant to be carried jauntily in the crook of your arm. “But Din,” I hear you ask, “I can’t carry much if it’s hanging on the crook of my arm.”  Precisely, lumpkins.

This “Oryx Clutch” is meant “for a night on the town”.   At 1.5″ deep, there’s enough for a light cardigan, your cell phone, wallet, condoms (we have had this talk, haven’t we?), and perhaps a pair of slippers for when those fabulous pumps feel a wee bit less than fabulous.  $325, coincidentally ships 3/25.

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But my love is fleeting and fickle.  From the people at Simply Yours who brought you Gok Wan, comes Simply Be for plus-size clothing like this Big Button Jacket, available in (UK) sizes 14-32!

This jacket is made in machine washable, uber-soft velour and is fully lined.  Looks like 3 buttons with a tab closure on the bottom.  It’s car-coat length, so it’s hitting around mid-thigh.

The jacket comes in three colors – this is Ochre; there’s also Burnt Orange and Green, which is sort of…minty.

Let’s talk turkey £50, which Google tells me is about $72.00 these days.  Sadly, Simply Be does not ship to the U.S. yet, but I’m thinking about a Pr0n Cultural Exchange program.

If someone wants to buy from Simply Yours or Simply Be, contact me and I’ll see if I can arrange for a UK friend to ship in exchange for sexual favors my undying love and a favor to be returned later.

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But my lovely lemons cannot go naked underneath their new coats!  No no, that will not do.  And so I give you this actual vintage 60’s  red wool knit suit, courtesy of  Couture Allure.  When I say actual vintage, I mean actual vintage. There’s one of these, so if you want it – go get it.  We’ll still be here.

The chest is 40″, the waist is elasticized, so it’s 30″ not stretched out.  I would add several more inches to that in terms of actual capacity.  The sleeves are 18″ from the shoulder seam, so 3/4 length? and the top is meant to be looser than the skirt, which is 20″.

It’s 100% wool with a side zipper on the skirt.  Check out the website for actual condition information, but it’s $55.00.  Pr0n Approved.

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Now, my under size 14 pr0nistas love vintage as well, and I have something for you.  Can you say Vintage ’60’s DIOR??  Let me repeat myself VINTAGE DIOR, PEOPLE.  I’m calm – I’m calm.  This is an original Christian Dior from the 1960’s sold by Neiman Marcus.  The fabric is tobacco brown in ribbed silk (ribbed silk!)

Please look at the detail on this dress.  The darting at the bust that leads down to the side seaming.  The skirt portion hits at low waist with a pleated bow detail.  The bodice is a scoop neck with cap sleeves. *sigh*

The dress closes with a center back metal zipper and has a brown China silk lining.  It is interlined in cotton batiste for added body.”

The measurements are kind of interesting; they’re not what you typically see in sizing today.  Bust – 37″, waist 27″, hips 40″.  Shoulder to waist – 16″, shoulder to shoulder 16″.  I’m envisioning someone curvy and petite in this dress.

If you have a special occasion coming up, look no further – plunk your $450 right here.

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Why don’t we finish these outfits?  Try these green and yellow tear drop dangles from ShopTwigs.com. Or these simple yellow stone earrings, also from Shoptwigs.

The teardrops combine yellow and lime green; wear them with neutrals, wear them with anything that has either color in it, wear them with navy – just wear them!

Originally $163, they’re on sale for $82. (Makes me want to get my ears re-pierced).

The yellow stones, which are just so classic and will go with anything are 3/4″ wide with a 1″ drop, and sell for $110.

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Both these dresses cry out for a wonderful pump (Can you hear the dresses crying, Clarice?)  For the vintage red wool, I recommend simplicity and modernity, both of which you can find in these suede Bottega Veneta platform pumps.

Did I mention they were suede?  Yes, well – 4.5″ heel with a 1″ platform (remember pumpkins, that means it’s going to feel like a 3.5″ heel).

They have an almond shape toe, cone shaped heel and a molded platform and heel.  You can purchase them for $690 at Net a Porter.  Save the economy, buy Bottega Veneta!

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The Dior calls for something more delicate – Dior generally does.  One must be a lady in Dior. Once you’re out of the Dior, all bets are off – I’m just saying.  These red patent leather Jimmy Choos are all wrong but I’m showing them to you anyway.  Because it’s my blog; I can do that.

Red. Patent Leather. Mary Janes. Jimmy Choo.  Do you need to know anything else?

Fine.  Rounded toe, leather upper, leather lining.  Adjustable leather strap along vamp. 4″ heel, made in Italy

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Ah, men!  I’ve neglected you!  Unless you have a shoe fetish in which case you should be all set.

Well that was exciting.  I opened up my men’s file and found…a belt.  Fear not! I come bearing pr0n.  Feast your eyes on this Vintage by La Rosa ’60’s car coat.

This is a mint condition original car coat from the ’60’s.  Traditional collar, long sleeves with rolled cuffs and decorative buttons.

Chest width from underarm to underarm is 20″, sleeve length from shoulder to cuff is 24.5″, and length from neck to hem is 40″.

La Rosa is a vintage boutique on Haight Street in San Francisco, so if you’re nearby – stop in!  If not, head over to eLuxury.com and make sure you have $400 available, credit or debit.

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.If vintage isn’t your bag, never fear.  Barney’s Co-op is here!  I’d love to see my suitors in this Marc by Marc Jacobs Happy Face Cardigan.  Exclusively at the Co-op (man that cracks me up.  $900 clothes at a “co-op”), this light grey cotton v-neck cardigan sweater has a contrast yellow placket , two front pockets and a happy face logo over the left chest.

It’s also available in sort of a heathered gray with a contrast pink placket.  Equally cute!

Why not slip on a pair of dark jeans and these Alexander McQueen bark zip-up ankle boots, and call that special gal pal of yours to go out for a malt?

.Now it seems to me that every time I feature lingerie, my hits go up.  Maybe you all are just a bunch of pervs, but as long as you keep reading, I really don’t care.

Besides, I want to show you this handmade cami and shorts from On the Inside (via Smashing Darling):”Sassafrass” cami and “Forget Me Not Panties”.  Each are handmade in New York City, and the pantiliner is made of organic cotton.

The designer says it’s a very soft cream colored lace with pink detail.  The panties are definitely low rise, but flattering to one’s booty.

The cami has curved cups and plush, adjustable gold straps.

If you’re a small C or below and need just a bit of support rather than underwire, these pieces really look delightful.

The Cami is $35, panties are $20.  Comparable to less that anything you’d find in a good department store, and wouldn’t you rather your money go to a real person anyway?

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I’m going to show you lovelies two more pieces from On the Inside, because I stumbled across someone’s blog earlier, who was complaining that she couldn’t find a simple cotton, non-underwire bra (I swear it was complete coincidence.)

You have no idea how much I wish I would wear this organic cotton “Summersweet Bra” Mint cotton lined in cocoa with a cross-back for extra support.  The bra is $34 (which I would totally pay if I thought it would work on Olga and Helga here). Matching low-rise panties are $20.

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Okay.  Is there anything we haven’t covered (get it? covered? get it? yeah.)  Oh, crap. I promised like 12 million people skirts.

If you’ve got a little more flexibility in your wardrobe, or just want a cute skirt, check out this classic Collectif pencil skirt.  It’s meant to be worn slightly low-rise and it comes in baby-blue, pale pink and lovely lemon yellow.

It’s available in UK sizes 8 – 20 and they do ship to the U.S. and Europe.  Only two left in this particular style and it’s £10 . Check out the rest of their selection to make shipping costs worthwhile.

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For a more classic skirt with a more classic fit, over at ShopBop I found this purple crepe skirt by Black Halo.  It has rounded pockets at the hip with button flap detail, a hidden back zipper and notch at the back waistband (perhaps for a better fit?).  It’s 23″ long, made in the U.S.A., sizes 0-10 for $230.

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.Rounding out tonight’s catch is this cute as a button “Shorthand” skirt, back at Smashing Darling .

White cotton denim with a front tab with buttons that cover a zipper.

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This is by designer Laura Dawson…annnnnd I don’t have any manufacturing information.  $50 – currently available xs – m, which the site tells me is going to run a little small.   I’m calling it 0-8, even though they say 2-10.

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Last one for tonight, and then I leave you.

If any of you are truly and I mean really and truly fashion forward, then I have a gem of a skirt for you.

High waisted, black skirt, with gathers going down the front and sides. 100% cotton, machine washable. by Zeto Clothing.

“Zeto pays utmost attention to detail – using only the highest quality original fabrics, custom-dyes, light weight inks, and in-house artwork to punctuate each piece of clothing”.  $88, with more specific styling details at the website.

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My most precious pr0ners, good night good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night ’til it be morrow.

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Once again – it was good for me; tell me, was it good for you?

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