Clearance Pr0n

Welcome back, pr0n lovers, it’s good to see you again. Right now is that awkward time of year when you’re in one season, but the stores are in another. The good news is that if you play your cards right you can have a shopping trip to fill any pr0n fantasy. Today I’m going to bring to you the best of the best sales on the web. Just remember: half off Gucci is still a month’s rent. This is pr0n after all.

Whenever I’m looking for a pr0nish deal, I start at Bluefly.com . You can count on brand names you know at really good deals. Extra sales come frequently here, as well as lots of opportunity to enter into a sweepstakes for this or that. I haven’t won yet, but I keep trying! Speaking of which, right now they’re having their “Designer Blue Sale”, so lots of scrumptious sales are sure to be found.

I don’t usually start with handbags, but this kelly green patent leather “Diego Toto” tote by Shih Handbags caught my eye and wouldn’t let go. Let’s start with the price: this is a bag which retails for $495 – the Blue Sale price is $222.99.  That’s not a deal, that’s a steal.  Don’t think I’m not drooling over the divine patent leather green which is perfect for spring and summer – how often do you get a bag for next season at half off? Never! Hello? For those of the slightly faint of heart, it also comes in black patent leather, which is rarely a bad investment.

The other thing that I really want to point out about this bag is that the drop (the length from the top of the straps to the bag) is 8″, which makes it plenty long enough to actually be a shoulder bag.  I have a pet peeve about adorable bags that don’t fit over your shoulder. I’m sorry, but I’m not Holly Golightly walking around NYC in my pearls, and handbag in the crook of my arm. If you are, more power to you.

Now here’s where we get really pr0ny.  I’m going to show you the most delicious pair of shoes at the most delicious price – if they don’t have them in this color in this size, don’t blame me.

Let’s talk Nanette Lepore – a designer who makes the most adorable clothing and accessories with a feminine, vintage feel. Let’s talk a 3 3/4″ heel, with a slight platform and a peep toe; I’m guessing the platform is a good inch. What that platform does is make that 3 3/4″ feel like 2 3/4″, so your podiatrist won’t yell at you too much. The shoe comes in three flavors, I prefer the sand and black, but the ivory and taupe is also acceptable. The navy and cream is just a little too Andrews Sisters for me. These shoes retail for a substantial $495; Blue Sale price: $160.99. You heard me.  These puppies would go with everything: skirts, pants and dresses. They’d make a fabulous addition to your wardrobe.

Remember how I said half off Gucci was still a month’s rent? I meant Prada. Say it with me: Praaaaadaaaa. Doesn’t it just make you tingle all over? Men, I have for you a Prada herringbone wool 3 button suit at 45% off.

Retail price (I feel like I’m on The Price is Right here): $1895; Blue Sale price $1045.49. A Prada suit is an investment. (Prada anything  is an investment.) You put that suit on and it says: I look good. I feel good. I AM good. (What it says is “Call your your blogger. I’m single!) The one feature I want to call attention to is the “stance”; that’s where the top button hits.  Because the stance is particularly high on a three- button suit, it’s going to be flattering on anyone looking to hide a little tummy; the lower that stance is, the more you’re calling attention to it. Also, the rule for buttoning 3 button suits is from top to bottom: sometimes, always, never.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Remember we talked about Nanette Lepore earlier? I was surprised and delighted to find this pure silk “Dazzle Me Dress” on clearance at Cusp. Please please please go buy this short merlot dress with silver appliques. It was $595, and it’s on clearance (currently sizes two through eight) for $178.50. Boat neck, cap sleeves, keyhole detail. If I had the money, I’d buy it myself!  So buy it for me and wear it someplace fabulous. Maybe even with the guy in the Prada suit.

From Shopping Pr0n

Now just because this is pr0n, don’t ever believe you have to sacrifice form for function. Perish the thought! If you can’t find something stylish and functional, you simply haven’t looked hard enough! (Or read my blog.)  I’m going to show you all a few different bags, just to show how much of a variety in form and fashion there is, starting with this Cynthia Rowley “Neo Tote”. Cynthia Rowley is another one of my favorite designers, particularly when it comes to handbags, because her designs are fun. They have a sense of humor about them without feeling like your bag is screaming a la Betsey Johnson.

Don’t get me wrong, Betsey has a time and a place, but it’s not all the time and it’s not for everyone. Anyway, I love this adorable black and white (or red and black)  tote.  It’s perfect for an overnight bag, or an everyday handbag for someone in a more “flexible” industry.  Inside it’s divided into two compartments, with a middle zippered compartment, and the outside has a zipper on each side to make it expandable.  Note also the two outside front pockets. This bag was originally $398 and is currently on sale for  $199! Get it now! Go on, I’ll wait.

MEN: Please stop thinking that your only choices in life are the same basic black briefcase that everyone else has (you know, the one that’s not really made for a laptop that you overstuff ’til it groans and bulges like your belt after Thanksgiving dinner?), or a casual canvas messenger bag that you could (and may) have used in college. There is hope! For only $29.99…no, sorry. Got carried away there.  I’ll spare you the thousand dollar Prada this time in favor of this black leather Andrew Marc laptop messenger bag. That’s right, a leather laptop messenger bag.

Supple leather, 15″ width large enough for an average laptop, sling-like strap, an interior file pocket and a front flap with a magnetic snap closure for easy, but secure access.  The bottom has 5 metal feet, meaning if you put it on the ground it’s not going to destroy the bottom of the bag. Retail price $450, Blue Sale price: $270. Forty percent off, all access pass…

The last bag I’m showing is because my instinct is to go fairly girly, but I know some of you like the boyish girls and I want to show that a handbag doesn’t have to be ultra-feminine to be chic and fashionable and still look like a woman’s bag.

In fact, it’s called “Barney’s Chic Mailbag”. It’s got chic right in the name! Truth in advertising for once. Now, the bag has a 4″ handle drop, so if it’s going to fit under your shoulder, it’s going to fit right under your shoulder. But this is an Italian patent leather mailbag from Barney’s New York. It has a canvas lined interior with leather trim organizational pocket and two organizational pockets.

My little pr0n lovers, there’s nothing not feminine about this bag. Think Marlene Dietrich or Greta Garbo. Then think about the price: originally $695, now on sale for $169. If you have any interest in this bag GET IT NOW. Bargains just don’t get any pr0nier than this.

Our time is up my little p0rn fans. I’ll leave you with something all of us can appreciate. This Only Hearts lavender grey tiered camisole and hipster. Cami originally $59, now $17.70, hipsters originally $39, now $10.80-$18. Something to curl up with at night.

That’s it for now. It was good for me; tell me: was it good for you?

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3 responses to “Clearance Pr0n

  1. Oh my heavens, those shoes! I need a moment to catch my breath… this is downright delicious!! I have got to go share this with my friends!

  2. I’m glad you like the shoes, Laynie! I think they’re a real find!

  3. it will be quite dependant in the next months. Gambia could be the next masses for primechain to be traded

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